A Story About Mercenaries and a Summoner
by UNAUTHORIZED ACCESS
Summary: A summoner from the world of Indines messes up her teleportation spell and ends up in an intel-capture map. Hilarity arguably ensues. Originally posted for the BattleCON: War Remastered kickstarter under the title "blatantly stupid nonsense" which still holds up pretty well.
1. How to Not Teleport

WARNING.

THE FOLLOWING DOCUMENT WAS ONLY SLIGHTLY INTENDED TO BE SERIOUS, BUT PROBABLY ISN'T. IT IS ONLY POSTED HERE BECAUSE SOMEHOW THE HEAD HONCHO FOR ONE OF THE REPRESENTATIVE SOURCES (THAT BEING THE FIGHTING CARD GAME BATTLECON WHICH IS EXCELLENT) THOUGHT I SHOULD PUT IT UP HERE AND FINISH IT. SO I DID. NOBODY'S QUITE SURE WHY OR HOW THAT HAPPENED.

ALSO THIS IS A WORK IN PROGRESS, BUT THAT'S LESS RELEVANT.

WARNING ENDS. FANFIC PROCEEDS.

* * *

The time was midnight. The bridge between the two buildings was, in a rare change of pace, not littered with bodies or bullet casings. Nothing was even on fire. Even with the time as late as it was, such a moment of peace was rare. The interior of the building owned by RED was just as lax. Three people sat around a table, holding playing cards, while a fourth was content to roast hot dogs on a campfire. Nobody bothered to tell them off for starting a campfire indoors.

"I raise," declared the one in a white doctor's outfit.

"Ah heck. I fold, I guess." The one in overalls and a yellow helmet put his cards on the table.

"Hm... Ah, why not. I call." The one-eyed one with the vest pointed a challenging finger at the doctor.

The doctor smiled confidently, and turned his cards to face the table. He had a full house: two 5s and three 8s. The one-eyed one barked a laugh in return, revealing his hand of four 6s and a Jack, and eliciting a groan of frustration and the bet from the doctor.

"This is why I don't normally play. You're too cautious, until you suddenly aren't."

"That's what it takes in my line of work, boy-o!"

The one in overalls just chuckled softly. "Demoman's at least fun to play against, even if you lose. You wanna deal us in, Pyro?" he offered, turning to the one at the campfire donned in a gas mask and fireproof suit. The voiced reply was as indiscernible as ever, but the dismissive handwave said enough.

Demoman, the one-eyed one, scoffed. "I'm not even sure the poor lad can read the cards, Engineer."

Engineer shrugged and reached to gather all the cards, but the next match was interrupted by a deafening explosion from a couple of rooms off. All four immediately reached under the table and grabbed their weapons of choice. Demoman barked out an order: "Medic, on me! Engineer, Pyro, take the side paths. Don't let the bastards out!"

* * *

The intel room was a mess. Overturned chairs and bits of machinery, which Engineer quickly deduced as the remains of his teleporter, littered the area, and black scorch marks adorned the area where it once was. However, the sentry gun was still completely active and had registered no targets, a fact that was doubly surprising considering the fact that there was a woman coughing up a storm in the middle of the mess. All four mercenaries just stood and stared, unsure of how exactly this had occurred.

"Okay, that was probably not supposed to happen," she muttered to herself once the coughing fit ended. She stood up and brushed herself off, and the mercenaries immediately took note of her strange two-tone tunic and wild pink hair.

"Oi! Does this look like a disco to you? Get out of here!" Demoman shouted, gesturing with his grenade launcher to reinforce the command.

It was only at this point that the woman took note of where she was. "Wait... oh no, this isn't Argent at all. I screwed up the teleport spell, didn't I? Aaaargh, Professor Krane is gonna TANK my score!" The fact that four men with strange weapons were yelling at her to do things appeared not to bother her so much as her grade.

"Hold on." Medic advanced, turning off his medigun for a second. "Excuse me, Fraulein."

The woman stopped wringing her hands in distress and turned to Medic. His accent was strange, almost straight out of a documentary on Jeffrian history. "Who, me? That's not my name."

Medic ignored the comment. "You shouldn't be here. This is a war zone. How did you get here?"

"Probably took the teleporter, doc. Though not intentionally, from the looks of it..." Engineer surveyed the wreckage around the woman in disappointment: that had taken him the better part of the afternoon to get working.

"Uh... yes, that sounds right. I was casting a teleportation spell for a class at Argent University, and I must've gotten the incantation a bit off, and er..." The woman stopped and corrected herself. "What I MEAN is, I was BANISHED here by an evil warlock who was, uh, jealous of the dark eldritch knowledge of Lesandra M-"

"Whoa whoa there, little lady," Engineer interrupted. "No names. Company policy, even for civilians. ESPECIALLY for civilians. Just your profession will do. For example, you can call me Engineer." He tipped his helmet in greeting.

"I am the Medic here," stated the Medic, standing stiffly at attention as he did so.

The Demoman didn't introduce himself, just stared at his teammates incredulously. "...Are you all daft? Why are you introducing yourselves to a witch?!"

"Hey, I'm a SUMMONER, thank you very much!" Lesandra shot back indignantly.

"She is clearly not hostile, Demoman. And even if she turns out to be a spy, there is only one of her and four of us. Manners, please," chided Medic.

"Well now she already knows what you call me, so what's the bloody point?" Demoman took out his favorite bottle and started pulling from it heavily, clearly done with the conversation.

"Nice to meet you too. And uh..." Lesandra gestured at Pyro, hiding in the doorway with both gloved hands on the frame.

Engineer shrugged. "Everybody just calls him Pyro. Nice to meet you, Summoner." He extended his own hand, and Lesandra took and shook it awkwardly.

"So uh... I'd like to get back to Argent soon. Finals are coming up. You, uh... Engineer, you said you had a teleporter?"

Engineer shook his head. "'Had' being the operative word. Afraid your mistake totaled this one. I can get it up and running, and get you back home no problem, but it'll just take some time. Probably be done by sun-up."

"In the meantime, Fraulein Summoner," advised Medic, gesturing for her to follow, "this is still a war zone. I strongly recommend you find a place to hide in the event that the BLU mercenaries choose to attack. We will do our best to defend you-"

"Speak for yourself," muttered Demoman.

"-but we cannot guarantee your safety, and the longer you stay here, the less time we can devote to infiltrating their own base and seizing their intelligence."

"Not that this is on the table anymore," declared a throaty Gesselheimian voice from nowhere in particular.

"Who's there?" Lesandra shouted, starting to summon her familiar in reflex.

"Not an enemy. Which is good for you, Summoner." The voice's owner, a thin man in a suit and mask, appeared out of thin air just behind the Pyro, who waved happily in greeting. "I heard the introductions already. You may call me Spy. Enchante," he finished, with his natural disdain painting his every word.

"Back up a second, mate. What do you mean it's not on the table?" inquired Demoman from the floor.

The Spy lit a cigarette before responding. "I mean precisely that. We outnumber them, but their briefcase is under constant watch by absolute brutes of mercenaries. Even with the help of the doctor here, you and Pyro would be dead in seconds."

"Question," chirped Lesandra, her hand shooting into the air as if in class.

"What is it?" responded the Spy.

"What's a briefcase?"

The five mercenaries in the room stared at her in confusion. Spy was the first to respond. "That is information we can't give you, Summoner, assuming you wish to remain al-"

Engineer interrupted the Spy. "Like that little red number on the desk there, except blue."

"Okay cool, two seconds." Lesandra turned to check out the red briefcase sitting on the desk.

"Laborer, your cheerful helpfulness is about to get our lovely little guest killed." The Spy drew his favorite butterfly knife with an elaborate flourish. "You are a terrible host."

"Spy, you're being a damn lunatic! Cut that out!" Engineer moved between Lesandra, still turned away, and the advancing Spy.

"He's the only one talking sense here!" retorted Demoman, though he wasn't getting up.

The Engineer refused to budge. "Everyone, just calm down and let's talk this over like-"

"Got it!"

All five mercenaries turned to look at Lesandra, whose hands, still emitting tiny red sparks, were holding a blue briefcase, identical in size and shape to the one behind her.

"How..." Medic started to say, but any further words were lost in bewilderment.

"That was easy. Like, REALLY easy. You'd think they hadn't warded it or anything." Lesandra casually threw the intel over her shoulder, landing it on the desk next to the red counterpart.

Spy cocked his head in disbelief, then after a moment, he put his knife away as elegantly as he had drawn it. "You have done well. As long as you don't open either briefcase, I think we can let you live."

Engineer shook his head, though he also relaxed his stance. "That's no way to say thank you. Speaking of, thank you kindly, Summoner."

Demoman stood up uneasily. "Don't get too cozy just yet, ladies. That bit of black magic's going to have the BLUs madder than a bipolar badger. We'll need to shore up our defenses before they know what's happened. Medic, on me! I've got some demolitions to do, hahaha!" His hostility, while it didn't vanish, quickly gave way to a disconcertingly cheery bloodlust, and he took off.

Medic looked to the others. "Engineer. You work on building your teleporter so Fraulein Summoner can leave. Spy, Pyro, keep an eye out on anything out of the ordinary. Doctor's orders," he concluded, chuckling a tiny bit at his joke, which nobody else dared to echo. He then hurried out after Demoman. Spy and Pyro looked at Lesandra for a moment, then at each other, then took off, each silent as they did so.

Engineer was already getting to work, using the scrap from the accident as a starting point. "Get along, Summoner. Find yourself somewhere to hide."

Lesandra folded her arms. "You sure about that? I can fight too, and it sounds like you guys will need a lot of help."

Engineer turned away from his work and fixed her with what she assumed must be a very serious stare. Kind of hard to tell with his goggles. "You ever faced down a pack of ornery mercenaries that don't know fear or mercy?"

"Yeah, that was one of Professor Burman's extracurricular activities. Pretty fun, too."

This response wasn't the one the Engineer had expected. "Oh. Uh... then go hog wild, I guess. Just don't get yourself killed."


	2. Meet the Other Guys

The RED base wasn't exceptionally hard to navigate, and Lesandra quickly found herself at the entrance outside. Just ahead was a massive bridge, extending far to her right. She knelt down and muttered the incantation that calls a summoner's familiar, now second-nature to her.

"Bwak!"

Within seconds, her devoted familiar Borneo had appeared. The pink penguin was small, unassuming, and quick to complain, but nonetheless, Lesandra appreciated his presence, though she'd never openly admit it. "Keep an eye out for anyone trying to attack me." Borneo obediently peeked out from behind the crate blocking her view of the bridge, then turned and saluted, presumably indicating its safety. Satisfied, Lesandra took a step out and-

"WHOA! OUTTA THE WA-"

One and a half seconds later, Lesandra and the stranger were in a tangled heap on the ground, with Borneo hurrying over trying to pull her loose. "You had one job!" she scolded him, while the stranger, a lean young man in a blue shirt and baseball cap, was swearing and trying to leap to his feet.

"Ain't you ever listen when people tell you to, uh..." The stranger's reprimands were cut short as he noticed who he had run into. Lesandra got to her feet and looked him over. He reminded her of a certain illusionist she knew back at Argent.

"Hey gorgeous. Already head over heels for me? It happens to lots of girls. I'm the Scout." He immediately went into a kind of awkward flexing stance, which Lesandra did her level best not to laugh at. Borneo didn't bother with the self-restraint and started rolling on the floor, laughing madly.

"That's great, go away. I'm supposed to be watching out for mercenaries, and you're disturbing my concentration." She tried to shoo him off with a dismissive handwave, but Scout had none of it.

"Watching for mercenaries? That's cute. You're a real cutie. Don't worry, because you found one, right here, baby!" Scout continued with the flexing, but what he said caught Lesandra by surprise. THIS was one of the big bad mercenaries everyone was so afraid of?

"Borneo, please handle our guest," she intoned, only half expecting him to be effective. Borneo took the command with some incredulity, but no more than he did any time Lesandra asked him to fight on her behalf. He leapt right for Scout's face, squawking and clawing at his eyes.

"AAAAH! Frickin' get offa me!" Scout leapt back, trying to push Borneo off of his face but having little success. Lesandra took the time to begin another summoning, this time of something more serious. While she did that, Scout withdrew a baseball bat from a pouch on his back and finally succeeded in pushing Borneo off of his face. Borneo fluttered in the air, but his wings weren't much good for doing anything other than hovering in place.

"Stupid chicken! I'm gonna mess you up! Batter..." He leaned back, confident that Borneo wouldn't be able to move anywhere quickly enough to dodge, and put his entire body into one mighty-

"SWING!" With a loud BINK noise, the bat connected, and Borneo screeched in pain as he was sent flying over the fence behind Lesandra. She didn't hear him land, but knew the damage wouldn't be fatal, as summoned creatures are notoriously hard to kill. She still felt a bit guilty about him taking the hit, though.

Scout relaxed for a second, not remotely used to this kind of warfare. "All right... I don't usually hit girls, but that REALLY pissed me off, so just for you, I'm gonna make an exc-WHAT THE HELL IS THAT"

Lesandra's new summon had finished, and a salamander the size of a crocodile now stood between her and the Scout, flicking its forked tongue in and out slowly. "Congratulations on defeating my weakest minion," she mocked.

Not wanting to take any chances with whatever else Lesandra could summon, the Scout opted to take the easy way out, sprinting to the edge of the bridge and grabbing it as he vaulted below. Lesandra could hear his footsteps as he retreated back into the BLU base, and smiled, happy with her easy win.

"Congratulations on defeating their weakest minion," she heard the Spy remark from behind her. She turned to see him leaning against the wall, presumably having been hidden through their fight.

"Are you sure that wasn't one of their 'absolute brutes'?" she retorted. "And do you always show up late to everything you do?"

"Someday, ma cherie, you'll learn the meaning of 'dramatic timing'." He flicked his finished cigarette to the ground, not bothering to stamp it out. "In any event, that little boy is only one of their number, and unquestionably the weakest. He is also unquestionably their most annoying."

Lesandra did her best to fix him with an icy, emotionless stare, the sort a menacing sorceress queen would do, but the Spy seemed unimpressed. "I'm not worried. Like I told your Engineer, I've done this before, and I don't care one whit about dramatic ti-"

"HOO-AH!"

The battle cry from above them was quickly punctuated by a resounding explosion, sending Lesandra, the Spy, and the salamander flying in three different directions. The Spy cartwheeled back into the building and connected with a wall with a thud, slumping to the floor and staying there. The salamander faceplanted onto the open space of the bridge just past them, while Lesandra found herself hanging onto the ledge, having just reacted quick enough to avoid careening into the pit below her.

"You sorry RED maggots! Everyone knows not to send women, Frenchmen, or lizardmen into the front lines! Andrew Jackson would be ashamed and have each of you shot for insubordination!"

Lesandra couldn't see who was shouting, but she had other concerns. She was having some trouble pulling herself up, not being quite as physically adept as some of her classmates, and the impact from whatever had hit her wasn't doing her stamina any favors. She was doing her best to will the salamander to hurry over and hoist her up, but it wasn't turning up.

"Did you think we'd forgotten about your traitorous schemes, scum of Atlantis? Go back to your octopus king and tell him YOU HAVE FAILED!" Another explosion, and Lesandra felt the connection to the salamander waver. She desperately wanted to pull herself up, but at the same time, she figured the ledge proved an exceptional hiding place, provided her arms wouldn't give out.

Unfortunately, she figured wrong. Marching footsteps overhead signaled the approach of the Soldier, and before long she could see his army boots, still smoking and showing the same signs of damage her own outfit did. Did he seriously use his own weapon to launch himself forward? Not wanting to think about it, she looked up at the rest of him, mind racing. He was a physically-fit fellow who wore a blue military uniform and sported a large weapon of some kind, probably what caused the explosions earlier. He seemed just as surprised by her as she did by him.

"What are they teaching those spineless RED mercs these days? You are OUT OF UNIFORM, you are COMPLETELY UNARMED, and you are FAILING TO PERFORM A SINGLE PULL-UP, even with BOTH OF YOUR ARMS INTACT! If I was running your squad, you'd be able to pull yourself up this ledge with nothing but your OUTLANDISH HAIRCUT, which I would PERSONALLY SHAVE BALD! I have half a mind to just leave you here and let your own WEAKNESS finish you off-"

"DID YOU KNOW," Lesandra shouted back up, at just enough of a volume to interrupt his tirade, "that lobsters don't actually die of old age?" She didn't know why she remembered this bit of trivia right now, or what good shouting it would do, but it was all she could think of at the time. She continued, not wanting to give him more opportunity to yell, reciting whatever she remembered from her textbooks while the other half of her mind desperately attempted to summon. "It's true! Lobsters are often killed by predators or harvested by humans to eat, but they don't ever die of old age, they just get bigger each time they molt!"

Surprisingly, this information seemed to get the Soldier to back off. He started pacing away, trying to take this information in. "Dear god... if that's true, then Atlantis' generals know FAR TOO MUCH! They've been around since George Washington personally suplexed their leader into the first Thanksgiving dinner table!" He turned back to the ledge and shouted down. "Private! You are now a prisoner of war, and will tell us everything you know about the Atlantean battle plans! Pull yourself up from that ledge this instant, maggot!"

He glared down at the ledge where Lesandra was, mere moments ago. However, there was no sign of her. The chasm below stretched too far to see the bottom even in the best conditions, finding her at night would be impossible. "Damn it! I did not give you permission to fall to your death! Get back up here and FIGHT LIKE A MAN! Or... woman. FIGHT LIKE WHICHEVER OF THE TWO IS MORE SUITED TO YOUR TACTICS, BECAUSE I WILL NOT LOSE ANOTHER WAR TO GRAVITY ITSELF!"

"Way ahead of you!" Lesandra's voice echoed from far above the Soldier. He turned to look upward, pushing his helmet only just out of the way, and saw her hovering above him, being carried by some kind of miniature wyvern. Lesandra returned the look with as much disdain as she could muster: that summoning attempt had been nearly as tiring as hanging on to begin with. That said, she wasn't going to give him any time to react.

She began to suddenly reverse the energy of the summoning spell. The wyvern wasn't going to last much longer anyway, as carrying her for even a short distance expended most of its energy, but there should be enough for this handy trick Professor Krane had taught her. "Pactbreaker..."

The Soldier might not have had any idea of how she had called a wyvern to aid her, but he knew an attack coming when he saw one. He pulled up his rocket launcher as fast as he could and took aim, but a brilliant shower of red sparks from above him told him he wouldn't be able to make it in time. "STRIKE!" Lesandra shouted, rocketing down at him in a fast-flying elbow drop. With a tremendous CRACK!ing sound, she collided with him, the energy of the attack at the same time shielding her from harm and amplifying the force of the impact towards the Soldier, driving him into the ground hard.

She quickly got up and began summoning again, this time something that could protect her from whatever he could summon, while he got up and took aim once again, stepping back as he did to give him more room for error. He was foregoing more battle taunts in favor of just screaming wordlessly at her, doing her concentration no favors. She didn't think she'd have time to get out of the way, but she wouldn't be able to finish summoning before he fired. With a FWOOSH, a lick of flame erupted from the front, heralding the rocket now flying right at her.

Lesandra couldn't do more than throw her hands in front of her face ineffectually, but out of nowhere, a sudden blast of air roared from behind her, sending the rocket careening back at Soldier, who wasn't expecting the deus ex machina any more than Lesandra was. The rocket exploded at his feet, sending him sailing across the bridge and well out of sight. The threat gone for the moment, Lesandra concluded her summon, and a towering suit of armor now stood before her, ready to intercept any further rockets. She turned to look behind her, and saw the Pyro standing behind her.

"HMM-FMM!", he (or she? Hard to tell) shouted, holding up one hand. Grateful for the last-minute save, Lesandra returned the high-five the Pyro presumably wanted. "Thanks. I owe you, I guess." Seemingly content, the Pyro then trotted merrily past her towards the BLU base, while Lesandra elected to stay behind cover to avoid any further ambushes.


	3. Biggie Size

"You saw that, right? That ain't normal, pal! I'm telling ya-"

"Yeah, you're telling me, and I wish you'd bloody stop." The Scout's retort was cut off as the tall man in a large hat and practical clothing shoved a hand at his mouth, pushing him away. He brought his long rifle up to his eye and took a careful look over the bridge. Aside from the still-smoldering Soldier nearer to their side, being pursued back in by the enemy Pyro, the only other person on the bridge was the strange summoner.

"Come on, Sniper! Shoot her! She's big trouble!" Scout was impossible to keep quiet even at the best of times, and Sniper resigned himself to having to put up with him.

"First rule of sniping, mate: you don't take the shot unless you know it'll count. She snaked our intel out without even walking in, and who knows how many kinds of critters she can call up. She doesn't know I'm here, I have all night." He turned away from the scope and pointed accusingly at Scout. "But she WILL know I'm here if you don't stop yapping like a hungry dingo!"

"Good news, maggots! I am no longer on fire!" barked a voice just as loud as the Scout. Rather than draw attention to his position on their base's rooftop, Sniper just headed inside. Soldier stood there, clearly having been on fire until his announcement.

"That's... that's great, mate. Let's get you topped up at the cabinet, and we'll get a plan for getting the case back." The Soldier responded with a salute so enthusiastic he nearly knocked his helmet off his head, and the three headed further in.

"Yo, is someone gonna tell Biggie Size we're doing this, or is he just gonna keep stuffing his face until he passes out?" Scout hurried ahead, only making the barest effort to slow himself down to avoid leaving his comrades behind.

"I'll fill him in after." Sniper's response elicited a snicker from the Scout, but he didn't feel like chastising him for it and getting more yammering back. He kept his voice at a low whisper, just enough for his teammates to hear. "Right. We NEED that briefcase back, but as long as they have that summoner, we're like a sieve. Their masked lunatic, at the very least, is gonna prioritize helping her, and I expect the rest of the REDs to do likewise."

Scout shrugged. "So? You've tagged their medic before, no problem."

Soldier spoke up from where he was bandaging himself up. "Private, do you know how war even WORKS? If their medic can turn the other REDs invincible, then he can turn the Atlantean backstabber invincible as well! We CANNOT ALLOW THAT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?!"

Scout looked over to Sniper, whispering, "Their spy is a Braves fan?"

Sniper shook his head. "I have no idea what you two are on about, but Soldier's got the gist of it. ...I think. We need to keep the other REDs busy long enough to get the summoner out in the open alone, and THEN I can take the shot."

"Understood, soldier! Me and Private Scout will engage in guerrilla warfare and draw the RED maggots out of their base!" Soldier seemed pleased, especially for someone still suffering from burn wounds and having no idea how to treat them, going by the randomly-applied bandages around his body.

"Yeeeeah, can't wait to be a giant frickin' glowing target for them to shoot." Scout shook his hands in the air in mock celebration.

"Deal with it, wanker, because we don't have much other choice. Any questions with the plan?"

"Sir!" Soldier stood at attention, and the pile of bandages he'd awkwardly jammed atop his helmet fell off as he did. "What is the role of unit codename 'Biggie Size' in this operation?"

"Who is Biggie Size."

The deep intoning voice caught all three by surprise, and they turned around to see a bald tower of a man staring them all down, arms like logs folded. Sniper just sat back, happy to let the other two take the fall.

Scout tried to put on a friendly grin, but his fear of the Heavy Weapons Guy made it more of a rictus. "Uh... that's what we're calling the Soldier, obviously! I mean, heh, it's not like anyone ELSE here would be called th..."

"I do not speak your language so good, tiny Scout. But I am not stupid." Heavy leaned down, towering over the Scout, and poked him in the forehead with one bratwurst-sized finger. "I am thinking this 'Biggie Size' will be on bridge, getting attention of RED babies with Sascha, yes?"

The Scout mouthed wordlessly and squeaked a bit, but otherwise didn't reply.

Heavy chuckled softly, tossled the Scout's cap patronizingly, then stood at his full height to address the table. "Man or woman. Mercenary or summoner. Heavy does not care. I will crush her and all her pets like snail shell beneath my foot. Then Sniper may shoot his coward gun and put bullet through her broken skull."

Sniper knew that the Heavy was mostly just posturing to scare Scout, an activity he wholly approved of. This was a plan the Heavy was used to, calling attention and fire to him while the Sniper picked off key targets from a distance. He simply tipped his hat. "'Preciate it, mate. Give 'em a gobful. Any other questions, before we begin?"


	4. A Brilliant Plan Involving Explosions

"Yeah, how much have you been drinking?" Lesandra asked.

"Don't worry, lass, I had enough to share with the whole class." The Demoman's response didn't give her much confidence, but at least he was a little friendlier. "Anyhow, the stuff I'm drinking won't do as much damage as the stuff I planted on the bridge, heheh."

The RED team was gathered in the entryway, around where the card table and still-smoking firepit were. Lesandra's rune knight stood watch over the entryway, keeping any BLU mercenaries from barging in. Lesandra and Demoman were discussing his plan just inside, with Pyro sitting by half-listening and poking the ashes with a stick. Medic and Spy were in a corner, the Spy now physically in top form, but his pride in intensive care.

As for the Engineer, he chose this time to pop up for a break from his work. "Howdy. Good news, Summoner, the teleporter's all built. Doesn't quite have the grit to send you back home yet, but that's nothin' a little bit of drink and musing won't fix." He walked over to a stout machine labeled "Provisions" and took from it one of the remaining bottles Demoman hadn't already.

Lesandra smiled perhaps a bit more cheerily than she meant to at this. "Cool, thanks. Hey, uh, Demoman said you had some kind of sentry gun you could use to help us in our plan?"

Engineer hit another button on the dispenser, and a large folding chair popped out of the base of the machine. He leisurely took a seat before replying. "I DO have a sentry gun, but I was expecting to keep her for protecting me while I work. What's your plan, Demo?"

"Well, this is a wee bit technical here, but bear with me." Demoman made an attempt to stand, but the floor wasn't cooperating with him enough, so he just sort of lurched up a bit. He decided to let the floor win this time: pick your battles, after all. "All right. So. The two bridges are the only ways into the base, aye? There's only two, and they cross over each other." He held up two fingers, crossed over in an X shape.

"Sure. If I move my sentry to one of them, though, that leaves me AND the other bridge undefended."

"Right, but imagine this." He pointed his still-crossed fingers at Engineer. "Okay. Imagine, see... imagine that there's no bridges." He uncrossed his fingers and let his hand drop. "And instead there's just a bloody horrific explosion!" The floor renewed its offensive at this claim, but Demoman steeled his resolve and didn't topple over.

Engineer took a leisurely swig before replying. "So you're gonna destroy the bridges? That'd do the trick, buying enough time to teleport Summoner home AND to get us out of here with their intel."

Lesandra chimed in. "That's why we need the sentry gun. The explosives he's using are strong, but they can be disarmed if we don't have someone watching over them. Having the sentry down there is safer, and we can have someone else down there to protect it until they go off, and I'll summon them back here just beforehand."

"Huh. That's actually mighty clever of you two." Engineer stood up. "Only problem left is, I'll need y'all to cover me while I'm moving my pride and joy down there. She's on the heavy side, and as soon as those BLU coyotes see me, they'll get right after me."

Medic spoke up from his side of the room. "I can head down with Engineer, so provided we have one more to provide firepower, that should be enough. Demoman, would you be so kind?"

The only reply to this was a loud snore: Demoman appeared to have passed out. Medic groaned in frustration. "I suppose that leaves Pyro. Summoner, you'll have to cover the upper bridge while this is going on."

"No problem! Just keep any of the blue guys from getting over here or under the bridge, right?"

"Ja. Spy, you'll be keeping them on their toes. I haven't seen their Sniper in a while, and that's even more concerning than his presence." Medic pointed his medigun at the Pyro and made a tutting noise, as though calling a dog. Pyro got up and trotted towards Medic obediently, and they headed off to the intel room. Engineer tipped his helmet towards Lesandra and followed.

Spy also got up from the floor and adjusted his tie. "Very well. Summoner, I will be blunt. I do not expect you to be able to keep their mercenaries at bay. If their Heavy chooses to attack your location, you will either run or die. Most likely the latter."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Lesandra muttered.

"I said I would be 'blunt', not 'happy rainbows and sunshine'. That giant of a man would kill any one of us as easily as he would kill you. I will do my best to distract him, but I cannot promise more than that." Spy took a look at the watch on his wrist. "In any event, we have limited time to enact this plan." He walked over and nudged the Demoman in the stomach with his foot.

"Nggh-wha? OI! Who did tha- oh. It's you." Having gotten his second wind, the Demoman turned the tide against the floor and managed to stand up properly in a decisive victory. "Right, we're all ready to begin?"

"Three of us have already begun," Spy remarked matter-of-factly. True enough, Medic, Engineer, and Pyro had already left. "And a fourth of us is about to as well. Best of luck." With a press of a button on his watch, the Spy faded into the air.

"Oh. Erm... right. Well then!" Demoman grabbed his grenade launcher from the floor next to him. "I'll stay here and keep my good eye out for trouble in case anyone gets past!"

"Fair enough. Good luck." Lesandra waved to Demoman, and the rune knight took a few ponderous steps out onto the bridge, with Lesandra staying cautiously behind it.


	5. The Scout Pretends to Be Dangerous

She wasn't sure, but Lesandra thought the light outside was improving a bit. If her sense of time was right, given the midday lesson she had accidentally skived off, then she'd been here for several hours. A twinge of envy at the Demoman crossed her mind; she'd love to take a nap right about now, but there was work to be done.

Though the rune knight obscured much of her view, she could still see the entrances to the BLU base. Below her, the bridge where Demoman had rigged up the explosives stretched perpendicular to the bridge she was on. No sign of the other RED mercenaries yet, but at the same time, no sign of BLU mercenaries either.

Suddenly, from within the BLU base, she could hear shouts and gunshots. The rune knight stood to block the path towards the fighting, blocking Lesandra's view. She tried to climb up over a nearby crate blocking the way to see for herself, but by the time she hoisted herself up, the gunshots had ceased, leaving only a panicky shout that she remembered from the Scout that had ran into and subsequently attempted to flirt with her.

"Have your armor take a step back for a moment."

The Spy's voice in the air before her startled her, but she quickly complied. The rune knight shifted, and seconds later, he uncloaked behind the box next to her. His suit was already torn from gunfire, but he seemed mostly unharmed.

"I have bad news. I incapacitated their Soldier, but the annoying boy saw me before I could escape. They'll be out here shortly." He peered over the bridge edge, scanned around briefly, then inquired, "Where are the others?"

Lesandra was about to reply, but before she did, they saw the three of them trotting out: the Pyro leading from the front with the Medic healing him (her? Lesandra still wasn't sure) a short distance away. Behind them, the Engineer was hauling a toolbox on his shoulder, huffing and puffing from exertion.

"Where'd ya go, ya backstabbin' Frenchie?"

Lesandra and Spy looked over the box towards the entrance and saw the Scout running full tilt out the door. At the sight of the rune knight, he skidded to a halt, but didn't lower the squat-looking gun he held.

Spy ducked down again before the Scout saw him, and gestured for Lesandra's attention, indicating his watch. "I can't cloak for some time. I need you to distract him while I slip back in." He popped open a small cigarette case, but Lesandra didn't stop to see what he was doing with it.

"Mortal! You dare to challenge me again?!" she shouted imperiously at the Scout.

He saw her peeking over the box, and grinned mockingly. "You ain't seen nothin' yet, wizard chick!" With that, he sprinted towards her, firing his gun and messing up her hair as she ducked back down. The rune knight swung down at him with its sword, but the Scout suddenly wasn't there, having darted off to the side faster than expected.

To her shock, the Scout leapt into open air, firing his scattergun again at the rune knight. The bullets met the rune knight's armor, which lit up with multiple sigils as the shot rattled the armor. Despite him leaping off of the bridge, he was able to turn in midair and land, now heading right for her. She barely got a barrier spell up in time, but the impact still hurt, and still forced her closer to the edge.

With that kind of agility, she wouldn't be able to interpose the rune knight between herself and the Scout fast enough, and a few more hits from the scattergun would be fatal, so she took a gamble and took a lunging swing at the Scout.

"Sentry, goin' up!"

The Engineer's shouted update proved the perfect distraction, as the Scout turned to look for the spoken threat at exactly the wrong time, and Lesandra's fist connected with his face hard. She winced from the impact, not having expected to hit, but the Scout was definitely the worse off. Again, he bolted away, dodging the rune knight's retributive sword swings easily. Lesandra almost shouted a taunt at him, but some parting shots from his backup pistol forced her to duck back down again.

"Lucky hit! Let's see you punch me when I'm over here and you got a skull full of bullets!" More gunshots rang out, but Lesandra focused on figuring out a counterattack. Scout probably wouldn't try a close-range attack again, but he moved so fast that she'd have to play it very safe to even hit him. She pointed and fired a basic energy bolt from her finger as a test: sure enough, he darted well out of the way before it connected.

"That's what I thought!" This time, she did get hit for her trouble, and she fell back, bleeding. The sudden desperation that came with the injury sparked an idea.

"MEDIC!" she shouted. She heard a gasp and some words below her, and saw the doctor run out into the open, pointing his healing device at her. At the same time, she heard the Scout laugh mockingly and saw more gunshots, this time aimed at the Medic, who staggered back and screamed. Seizing her opportunity, she leapt up and gestured at the ground around the Scout. "Binding Grasp!"

Distracted as he was, the Scout had little time to register the red magic circle glowing beneath him, but once he paused to reload, he saw that he was surrounded by a glowing force he did not recognize, and he definitely noticed as it reactively lashed at him as he tried to run. On the upside for him, the magic also forcibly launched him outside of the circle shortly after, back towards the base.

Lesandra pumped a fist in exultation, then quickly checked on the Medic. He wasn't yet in a state to help her, but the Engineer was helping him to his feet, and the bizarre backpack the Medic wore was humming and rattling in a way that suggested it was doing something to help as well. "You wanna try that again?!" she shouted at the Scout as a challenge, her macabre mannerisms forgotten for the moment.

"I will try, yes," replied a deeper voice Lesandra did not recognize, rumbling with menace.


End file.
